An Open Letter to My Ex-Bestfriend

This is going to be a bit different than my usual post, but I wanted to make a personal post about friendship.  Sometimes our blogs serve as our only way to share the things that we could never say.  Either we missed our opportunity, or it hurt too much, or we were afraid.  Maybe all of the above.. But in one way or another, a second chance often comes around. Take it.

AN OPEN LETTER TO MY EX-BESTFRIEND

There is seldom a day that goes by where I don’t think of you, and hope that you’re doing well.  When I meet a new friend and they introduce me to their bestfriend, I think of you. I think of you when I drive by our high school on a Friday night and there’s a football game, and the bright lights spread over the field like they used to spread across those bleachers that we sat on, laughing. My throat aches when I think of those days.  It’s hard to tell sometimes where you are in my mind.  When I imagine seeing you someday, it’s hard to decide what I would say. Part of me worries that we would both just turn around, and walk away, like we did to our friendship.

I wonder if you will marry the man that you chose over our friendship. I wonder why I keep blaming you for choosing, when I had that choice to make too.  I wonder when exactly these things shifted into place, and if it was meant to all along.  I wonder if we were merely supposed to teach each other a few things, have a few laughs, tears, joys, and then go our separate ways.

But you taught me a few things.

You taught me what it’s like to love someone like they’re my own sister. I never had a sister, and you were that missing puzzle piece that I held in my heart. You taught me about trust, and how some friendships can harbor all of our secrets, and never let them go. You taught me about honesty, and that I could always give that to you. I hope I taught you the importance of honesty in return.

But you also taught me about choices, especially the ones that are hard to make. The ones you see coming, and the ones you don’t.  You taught me how to draw a line in the sand, one that was supposed to protect me when I felt I could no longer be your friend. But those were the choices that gripped my heart, and stole part of it when I had to walk away from you.

I want to thank you for those days. I will think of you always, among the autumn leaves where we used to walk, planning our lives with the men we love. I will think of you someday when I have my own children, and how I would’ve loved for them to meet you. I will think of you with your children, and how we wanted ours to be best friends like we were. Just know that I will think of you; that will always be enough.