This weekend officially marks 3 months since Kyle deployed, and this month flew by. I’ve always thought that as soon as we hit July 4th, the rest of the summer just escapes me. I can’t believe we’re ¼ way through this! The next few months are already filled with some great plans, and it feels like it’ll be fall before we know it.
When we were getting ready for Kyle to leave, I remember wondering what it would feel like when we reached this point. Now I’m wondering how I’ll feel when we’re halfway there, and it makes me so excited to imagine how accomplished we’re going to feel! But I have to remind myself that this is still just one day at a time.
This past month was all about working on our home. We bought a home in December (one that we viewed just days after our wedding) and it’s a small Cape-style house that is only a few years old but needed some cosmetic work. Overall, we got very lucky that it doesn’t need anything major yet. At this point, we’re just learning how to make it our own, and how to add those special touches that will make it sellable in the future. Owning a home has been a whirlwind experience for me, and sometimes it’s absolutely terrifying. I never thought that I would be spending the first year of our marriage, in a new home, alone.
Besides all of the house/yard work, I’ve been spending a lot of time with friends and family, which has really kept me grounded lately. I’m very lucky that I get to see my parents so often, and my brother lives only a few towns over. I’ve already had my fair share of “Murphy moments”, so having them close by is reassuring for me. The next few months are packed with fun plans and adventures, but here’s what I’ve been up to lately:
How I’m Feeling:
I’m stuck in the “ok” phase. I don’t really feel any particular way right now, which is not necessary good or bad. There’s so much that needs to get done, and it all rests on my shoulders. It can be a huge burden sometimes. I come home, and it’s all on me. If I’m tired or stressed or angry, it doesn’t matter because everything in that home still needs to get done, and I’m the only one to do it. The dog still needs to be fed, walked, loved, played with, and I can’t rely on anyone to relieve that duty.
I can’t rely on anyone to make my dinner when I’ve had a bad day, or do the laundry when I’m exhausted. It’s a hard pill to swallow lately. The thought of doing it all alone used to scare me, but now it just makes me somewhat angry. It all gets done, but I feel bitter about it. I guess it’s safe to say I’m in a deployment funk.
About all the things we could be doing if he were here. I know I can’t think that way, because it’s not our reality and I need to accept what is and what isn’t.
Making peace with myself and finding the balance. I’ll still be working on our home for the next year, but I’m also working on myself. Maybe working on the house will help me figure that out. I’m back to running about 4 days a week which is the perfect balance for right now since I’m coming back from my injury.
My biggest struggle is balancing the social life with work and home. When Kyle left and I started seeing friends more, that was all I wanted to do. I would get home and realized I had accomplished nothing because I was so absorbed in staying busy with everyone. It was like I was afraid to be alone in those walls, thinking about everything that was happening. So finding that balance is really important to me.
That I don’t need to do anything that I don’t want to do, just for the sake of “staying busy”. I have a post coming on this topic soon, but I think the worst advice I’ve receive is to stay busy. It all revolves around what exactly you’re staying busy with. Is it things you actually want to do, or are you just doing anything to not think about it? I would rather spend this next year doing things that benefit us and our marriage and future family than jumping on any plan that comes my way. I’m learning what will make me feel the most accomplishment and gain the most growth throughout this experience.
Missing the most:
The biggest challenge this month:
Murphy’s Law hit me hard this month. Dryer #2 (replaced the first one while Kyle was in training) broke down and it’s about $300 to fix it. Honestly, I should’ve just gotten a brand-new dryer rather than a hand-me-down when I had the chance. It’s been hard to remember to schedule when a maintenance person needs to come because I’m at work all day. So, scheduling anything is quite the challenge.
- I have another military wife close by, and her husband is deployed with Kyle so we have been going through this roller coaster together. Having someone who understands this life is the blessing I never knew I needed.
- I’ve already sent out 3 care packages so far, and he’s loved all of them.
- Last week he sent flowers to my work, and to our house. It definitely made my day to know that even 6,000 miles away, he thought of me.
- The questions I’ve been getting lately are just ridiculous. Last week, a reader emailed me about this very topic and asked how to deal with these questions. I’ll be writing a future post on this, but my best advice is to not react without giving it some thought. It’s easy to get angry when people ask us, for the 100th time, when our spouse is coming home. It’s easy to flip out when people say “It must be really hard.” or “I could never do it.” Lately I’ve just given them a shrug because I just can’t muster up a response anymore. You don’t owe it to anyone to have all the answers.
I’ll be celebrating this 3-month milestone by getting out on the water with some friends for drinks and sunshine. Stay tuned for more updates!
In case you missed my other updates: