In the past 5+ years of my husband being in the military, there are few things that surprise me anymore. Most of the big life-changing events that his service has brought on are things that we could see coming. They were on the horizon all along, like a ticking clock in the back of our minds. And deployment was no exception. Continue reading “5 Things You Understand If Your Spouse Has Deployed”
Just like that, 9 months have come and gone. It’s been about 40 weeks, 270+ days, 3 whole seasons… It feels like it was sunny and 75 just last week. But here we are, and that light at the end of the tunnel is getting so much brighter. With our time winding down, I’ve kicked it into high gear these last few weeks. Here’s a brief look at what I’ve been up to!
I can’t WAIT to share the walk through of our home with all of you. I’ve put so much creativity and heart into our renovations, and while it’s been extremely challenging, I’ve learned exactly what I’m made of. When my husband comes home, it’ll look very different than what he remembers. And I’ve gone back and forth with how I feel about that. I didn’t want him to feel overwhelmed, or like he didn’t get to participate in this special time. I want him to know that these decisions were always made with him in mind. Some of these decisions for our home were made with just him in mind (more on that later).
Military life is the same as ever – somedays we get to talk quite a bit, other days we’re like two ships passing in the night. I actually spent a good 30 minutes watching homecoming videos the other day and I sobbed. I feel like I understand it all differently now that I’ve been through it.
Last month we did our annual girl’s trip, which was a classic sh*t show but in the best way. We’ve tried to make it more frequent but a lot of us live in different states now. Part of my “resolution” for 2019 will definitely be to make more time for things like this. My friends are such a huge part of my happiness and wholeness, especially after such a challenging year.
With the New Year’s resolution-ers emerging, the gym has been PACKED. And that crowd includes some of my own friends who have hopped on the band wagon for what I hope will be a lasting lifestyle change. It’s fun to have so many familiar faces in the gym, and I think it helps to hold us all accountable.
That’s all for now! I hate keeping things so light and brief, but stay tuned for some fun upcoming posts about our home renovations, vacation planning, and best of all, HOMECOMING!
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The holidays have always been my favorite time of year. From the beautiful lights to the priceless family gatherings, I turn into one of those giddy people that truly sees the “magic” in all of it. My husband and I have always shared this love for the whole season, so with 6,000 miles separating us, we knew this year would be particularly hard. Many military families face the same situation, and the holidays can serve as a heart wrenching reminder of the things that their loved one will miss.
Like many military families, we have dealt with multiple separations during this time of year. It wasn’t always for something as lengthy as a deployment, but no matter the distance or the reason, it was hard. Families going through a separation face a unique set of challenges any time of year. But throw in some cropped Christmas cards and a few, “When are they coming home?” questions, and it can turn us all into Scrooge.
Sometimes we seclude ourselves
It’s hard to see all the together-ness when the one person you want to be with is so far away. For some, this is when we take a step back and we may be drawn into the loneliness. And it might not make sense to those who don’t feel it, because we’re surrounded by all of these people that love us. We want to embrace the joy of the season, but a piece of us is missing. Be patient, and love us even when we act unlovable.
Sometimes we’re angry
I’ve felt a lot of things over the last few months, all the way from pride and happiness to extreme anger and frustration. Sometimes it’s smooth sailing and other times it’s a roller coaster with no seat belt. The holidays are an emotional time as it is, so it’s completely normal for those emotions to be heightened by the chaos, or lack thereof. It’s normal to want to lash out or be angry at the world for a day. You can allow yourself some time to freak out. But the key is to know when to get back up, dust yourself off, pour some wine (or whiskey) and move on from it.
Sometimes we avoid all the feels
This is 100% me this season. Rather than feeling too emotional or pretending to be overly happy, I think I was somewhat numb to it all. Maybe it was too hard to feel anything, or maybe I was overwhelmed and I just shut down. Either way, it’s normal to want to shut it out for a little while. We’re mentally and often physically exhausted from filling all of the roles in our home and personal life. This is the time of year that I heard the most, “I don’t know how you do it” comments, and while that may seem like a compliment or that I should be flattered that you think I’m some kind of superhero, I could do without.
So, whether you’re the one going through this separation or it’s another family down the street, be kind to each other. Be patient and willing to embrace the fact that “this too shall pass”. Let yourself feel all the feelings, good and bad, or take a day to shut it all out. No matter how you choose to approach it (even on days when it truly gets the best of you) it’s not defeating you.
This check-in is coming a bit late due to Thanksgiving last week, and all the Black Friday craziness. BUT, It’s official: we’ve entered the holiday season! I hope you all had a wonderful Thanksgiving. Part of me is really excited because I absolutely love this time of year. But another part of me is somewhat solemn knowing that my favorite part of the holidays is sharing in the fun activities with my husband.
WOAHHHH We’re halfway there! Sorry, I had to.
This week officially marks five months since we started this crazy journey. It also marks the change into Fall; another season that I’ll miss sharing with my husband. But I have to admit, it’s exciting to see another season come and go, knowing that we’re only that much closer to homecoming. Continue reading “5 Month Check-In”
I know, we don’t truly wave “Goodbye”. It’s more of “I’ll see you later.” Except we don’t know when later really is. You don’t know any of the details, atleast not the ones you want to know about. Continue reading “To The Military Spouse Waving Goodbye For The First Time”
Another month has come and gone, and it was one of the hardest but most productive ones so far. We’re officially 1/3 of the way through this, and I can’t believe that summer is almost over! The mornings and nights are getting cooler here, and after the horrible humidity, I’m embracing it. I’m almost ready for the hot cider, flannels, and trips to the fair. Almost. Continue reading “4 Month Check-In”
I’ve always been an independent person. In high school and college, I never felt an overwhelming need to be the center of anything, and you wouldn’t find me in large groups of people on any given day. It wasn’t a matter of fitting in, because I could find a way to get along with even the most difficult of people. It was just that I preferred having a few close friends that really cared and understood me, than a ton of friends that I only saw once in a while.
After Kyle joined the military, I found that there were very few people I could relate to. My very close friends stuck by me, and we fumbled our way through the first couple years. But meeting new friends could be quite the challenge. I would tell them that my boyfriend (at the time) had left for Basic Training, and the general response was that it must be “so romantic!” Like every military relationship is a Dear John novel. I came to realize that explaining what the military is really like to someone who hasn’t experienced it is like trying to nail Jell-O to a tree. Continue reading “Finding Your Tribe As A Military Spouse”
“When will he come home?”, “Will he be here for my party?”, “He won’t deploy again for a while, right?” We’ve all gotten them. The never ending, sometimes prying questions that force us to stop for a moment and collect ourselves. Questions that strike us as being so insensitive or disconnected, that we genuinely wonder why someone would ask. Throw in the occasional, “How do you do it?”, and you’ve covered all your bases. Continue reading “The Real Questions We Ask Ourselves As Military Spouses”