4 Month Check-In

Another month has come and gone, and it was one of the hardest but most productive ones so far. We’re officially 1/3 of the way through this, and I can’t believe that summer is almost over! The mornings and nights are getting cooler here, and after the horrible humidity, I’m embracing it. I’m almost ready for the hot cider, flannels, and trips to the fair. Almost.

Back in April I tried to picture how I would feel at each stage. I would tell myself, “Imagine when it’s July.” Or “I wish I could fast forward to August when I’m used to this.” Now here we are. To many, four months probably doesn’t seem like a lot. But when you look back on what you’ve overcome in that time frame, it really puts things in perspective.

The common theme this summer seems to be working on the house… constantly. I know I talked a lot about this in my last update, but it’s an ongoing process. It’s paying off big time, and it makes me anxious and excited to show Kyle all the changes that have been made. I’ll share some before and after pics in a separate post! Now I need to start preparing for the colder months since I’m used to having Kyle around for all those tasks. I’ll need some extra time to get things ready since winter here is brutal.

How I’m feeling:

Exhausted lately. Sometimes I feel like a robot, just going through the motions and getting things done. Some days it’s just part of the routine, and I manage to get it all done. Other days, it’s like I’m in quick sand, and the more I fight to keep everything afloat, the more we get pulled down. The beginning of this month was ok, but the last couple weeks have been an uphill battle mentally and emotionally. And I’m too tired to try explaining it to people who still don’t understand.

Thinking:

About fall, and what challenges may or may not be coming.

Working on:

How to deal with the rollercoaster of emotions. I’m usually a very level-headed, calm person. So for me to feel so up and down is very unfamiliar, and I don’t always know how to deal with it. I thought that by now I would be maintaining my sanity, not trying to find it.

Learning:

That people can be really selfish, even the ones who you thought you were close with prior to this whole experience. My whole world revolves around balance: learning to balance my work life, social life, home life, etc. all while my husband is gone. So, when people seem to forget what you’re going through, it’s like a slap in the face. I understand fully that people are only human, but some of the insensitive comments are too much sometimes, especially when they come from people you’re close with.

Missing the most:

Those little adventures.

Biggest Challenge this month:

Finding that calm balance again.

The Good:

A couple weekends ago I travelled to Vermont with my good friend whose husband is also deployed with Kyle. We had a blast, and the resort was beautiful. My favorite season is just around the corner, so I’m hoping to travel more and find new road trip destinations. I’m excited to make some memories with new and old friends.

The Bad:

I got my first scary deployment call a couple weeks ago. Luckily, he called me hours after it was already over. But it was definitely a reminder that things can happen when you least expect it.

This post sounds pretty angry in parts, but I think that’s just where I’m at right now. Life doesn’t stop for us, so instead of recapping too much of the bad, I’m just hoping the next update feels a little bit better.

In case you missed my other updates:

MONTH 2 | MONTH 3